My best friend
As any pet caregiver knows, each of them are precious in their own adorable way. My pal was an equal in my home and he literally saved my life.
I had a malamute/ husky mix. Kitty was an awesome dog and I should have been a better human to her. My life was chaotic at the time. She passed and I resolved that there would be no more animals in my future. I was grieving and honestly didn't have the inertia or will to commit to another pooch. Those critters aren't disposable or temporary. There is no counter point to that in my eyes. Take a dog in and prepare for the long haul. I like to ideate my human friends the same way but that isn't always realistic. People change. But dogs rarely do unless they are impacted in a negative way by something. They remember those moments and it takes a special mindset on behalf of humans to care for them. Everything that happens to them as pups effects their view of the world from there out. I am not clairvoyant at all. I cant read a dogs mind straight away. But over time we all can learn where their little furry heads are going.
When I first met him I was alone. I was and am a huge star Wars fan. He had a dark chocolate color to him. I thought,"It's just me and this little wookie" and forever after he was Chewy. To wit we reached an agreement from the very start. On a regular feeding schedule he learned in a week to do his biz outside. Mission accomplished and every one was happy. That was a basis for his trust in me. I had the time to devote to him. I learned how much to feed him to maintain a healthy weight. I seen a vet pull his scruff to gauge his hydration. I followed suit. He never went short of belly rubs and such. I was able to keep a close eye on that in this manner. Unless I fed him something whacked, he kept his part of the bargain. He WAS a forager. There was little he didn't think was edible. I had to keep a close eye on that. I learned his dietary needs in short order. He knew that every single day, at close to the same time, it was time to eat.
I legit didn't think we would take the path we did. In the beginning it was just he and I. He came into this world under a porch as a mixed mutt. I think he had some Spaniel in him and maybe some Labrador retriever as well. Medium build and soft shiny fur. But I soon came to understand he had some acute senses. He heard stuff I couldnt and had his eyes peeled for game at every moment. He was only a bit more agile than Mike Singletary on the super bowl scrimmage line. We parted company a short time down the road.
I couldn't take care of myself, my wife, or Chewy. I was wrecked. I had reached bottom. Life was emotionally devoid of anything good. All I knew was destruction. It's in these moments God acts. He teaches us what we need to know at the exact time it is appropriate. That happens without exception. Some think of karma or destiny. Everyone has a different version of a higher power. I only explain the relationship I had with my wife to give context to my decisions. Her and I are a separate story. My thoughts were dark at the time and I was in a bad state. God gave me a reason to keep going. He knew this beautiful energy should be in my care. I took better care for him than I did myself. Slowly I started to believe my life actually had a purpose. What would his life be without me? I had something good to strive for. I had failed before in doing what I thought God and those around me had expected of me. I didn't know which way to go. It was in those days I looked into Chewy's eyes and seen him wag his tail. It was then I began to gain a glimmer of hope. If he can be happy, so could I. By meeting his needs I eventually began to meet my own. A true symbiosis had formed. I cant explain what happened any other way. It wasn't the 12 steps that brought this to fruition. It was the hand of God and Chewy's blind devotion. The longest journey starts with one step. That my friend is the root of liberty.
I wasn't taking care of myself and was living in my car. I made the conscious decision to do that. Seemed like the right thing to do. Maybe it was then God nudging me. I had little thought of Chewy at the time. I was in a spot.. I had no direction and chaos (NOT A FAN!) was everywhere. Some of the people I knew, the places I went, and my behavior overall. I thought I was being what was expected of me. It wasn't a healthy path. I was living with unrealistic values and desires. Drugs can do that to you.
All the while I thought he was in good hands. For the most part he was. He didn't get sick. All the water he wanted and plenty of food. He spent the better part of his day in a large kennel crate. One of those two piece plastic deals with a steel mesh door. "Hooch" was his roomie in those days. They got along good! Hooch had a good thirty pounds on him but he understood Chewy was the boss. The two of em in that crate. The thought screwed with me for a while. I was trying to salvage my marriage so I stayed overnight sometimes. I seen first hand how he was living. So my educated guess (based on assumption and speculation) would be more than 80% of his day was spent in lockdown. The more I thought about it the worse I felt. He and I had an agreement for fucks sake and I wasn't keeping my end of the deal! As I watched him, blissfully unaware in his "house" he was more than a handful for her. She had a hard time with him on a leash. It seemed to be too much for her. For a smaller woman she was strong. But sometimes he would jerk and get the better of her balance. I didn't want to see her fall and get hurt. She told me she was afraid of that happening. I am six two and wide. He never did that to me. I have a much higher center of gravity than her. When left outdoors Chewy would bark without end. He wanted to be with us. We were his pack. It was unclear to him who was the pack leader. But none the less we were his tribe. He would bark till we were whole. I seen the foundation of a partnership with him. Negative behavior was all he knew at the time. He needed structure. I decided to be a his partner . I knew if I didn't behave in a deliberate and consistent manner chaos would have been on tap. I never allowed a full bowl of food or dish of water to be available to him full time. Left on his own he would eat non stop until he was sick. He could drink till he vomited. We weren't going that way.He defecated and urinated everywhere when allowed to behave like that. It was then I asked if he could come home with me. She thought for a bit and agreed.
Life was starting to come into focus for me I and began getting my shit together. It was then I realized the inevitable truth. Life is filled with turns and curves. That's God's plan. So in this empty time I realized any option I can dream of would come about if I set my compass to it. I watched all this and another moment of clarity came about. I asked if he could come home with me.
Chewy was likely the most intuitive friend I have ever known. He had his quirks and picadillos. Sure, I had allowed some poor behavior aspects. But they were a part of his charm and they were of little consequence over time. We didn't devote a lot of time to obedience. He wasn't aggressive and was well socialized. He had a vague idea of sit, no, and come. He taught me what was most important to him. Belly rubs, squirrels, and a dollar store laser pointer. He was happy as a clam. I reflect and understand that maybe that's all we humans need to be at peace. Maybe our needs and theirs aren't that different? I like to wander beyond my yard and chase what catches my eye to. Freedom is a powerful agent! Maybe that's why I am still single. Too much dog in me. I am sure plenty of my exes might agree.
Chewy helped me grow. He was my stalwart companion through various relationships. He was "ride or die" almost the whole pandemic. Again, he was blissfully unaware of what I understood. He was keenly aware of his foe the squirrel every venture outside. He did enjoy a car ride and the occasional pupper cup from Dairy Queen. Subconsciously I knew my life could be as simple as his was. That was the biggest lesson he taught me.. It was that simple truth that saved my life. Lord knows where I would have ended up without him.
He became lethargic and his bowels weren't working for him. I had seen this before and waited. He always came out of it. As I said he was a forager. I thought he ate something from the yard and it screwed with him. But hours turned into days and I got worried. I knew something was happening beyond my control and we needed help. I got him to the veterinarian and he diagnosed Chewy with an occlusion in between his large and small intestine. I was floored. Cancer.. I was soo careful with him. I thought I had been diligent. The vet proposed surgery to correct the problem. It was going to cost a lot more money than I had. I was able to borrow the money so I agreed to go forward with the operation. The vet visit did nothing to comfort either of us. Chewy was breathing heavy while he was awake. That indicated he was in severe pain. By this time it was late. I was alone and didn't know what we were up against. It was then I started learning what was actually happening. The long term prognosis indicated he would be given another 6 to 9 months after a successful procedure. I double checked other sites on the outside hope there was a different ending. I never found it. This being SAVED MY FUCKING LIFE! It would be for my vanity to ask him to go through the pain of a procedure. It wouldn't be kind to ask him stick around that six to nine months just to end up in the same place again. I had to let him go. I was with him and I will never do it again. Months and a year later I am still healing. I find his fur everywhere. Inside I am afraid one day I won't. I still expect him at the door.
